Hindsight

Choosing what to leave out of a sermon is painful therefore these past two weeks have been excruciating! 

Paul says in Ephesians 2:22, “…you…are…a dwelling in which God lives by his Spirit.”  In 3:1 he then says, “For this reason…”  He repeats that phrase in 3:14, “For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name.”

We need to understand Paul’s thought process.  He is stating that God is the Father of your spiritual family.  This connection to God as Father is a big issue for some, especially those who experienced growing up in a divorced family.

Judith Wallerstein is very widely considered the world’s foremost authority on the effects of divorce on children.  She wrote a book which I read cover to cover in 2000 entitled, The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce; A 25 year Landmark Study.  It involved long term interviews with 131 children over a 25 year period of time.

One of the major psychological battles that children of divorce face is a sense of being fatherless.  One interview Wallerstein conducted was with Larry who broke through the depression and passivity that a lot of children from divorce face.  His statement is very revealing, “I decided that I had to be my own father and take control of my own life, that I couldn’t rely on anyone, that I was the only one who was responsible for me.”

Isn’t it interesting that all through scripture God presents Himself as a father?! Especially, for the fatherless.  I'm not saying there aren't some great dads out there who stay connected with their kids after a painful divorce.  But statistics say that 33% of children lose ALL contact with their fathers after a divorce!  Even a greater percentage know where there father is but lose all contact because of the stress the parents divorce caused.

Freud said that we invent God because we need a permanent father who is not susceptible to death or tempted with divorcing from his family.  Basically, saying that we simply project a God so that we have a father.

Dr. Paul Vitz in his book, Faith of the Fatherless, follows the history of many philosophers who become decided atheists: Neitzche, Voltaire, Hume, Russell, Camus.  Vitz reports from his study that he believes all these great thinkers gave up on God as father because they were raised in families where their fathers had either died, left, or were highly abusive.

Wallerstein lays out some very useful rules for successful relationship for those who are children of divorce; I find them useful for everyone!  She writes,

“…never go to bed angry with each other…all grievances must be aired with 24 hours or they’re history. Never fight in front of the children. Never bring up past grievances; solve them now…Sulk if you must. Throw things if you have to. But don’t leave the scene. Problems in a marriage are meant to be solved, not ducked or avoided. Running away is unacceptable.  Rules are useful in every marriage, but they are essential in a marriage involving a child of divorce because rules make it safe to be angry and disagree. Making it safe for anger also strangely enough makes it safe to be honest and safe to love.”

In the Bible, Moses tells Joshua that he can be strong and courageous in leading God’s people because, “He will never leave you nor forsake you” Deuteronomy 31:6. 

The writer of Hebrews picks up on this and repeats it in 13:5 to command Christians to distrust in temporary materialism but to trust in their permanent Father, God. 

Jesus reiterates this in Matthew 28:20 when he says, “…I am with you ALWAYS…”  He also says in John 6:37&39-40  “All whom the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never drive away…And this is the will of him who sent me, that I shall lose none of all those he has given me, but raise them up at the last day. For my Father’s will is that everyone who looks to the Son and  believes in him shall have eternal life, and I will raise them up at the last day.”

God is a permanent indwelling heavenly Father who is fully capable of making promises that He is fully committed to keep.