Hindsight

Some have asked about the books I recommended on Sunday so here they are:

Hide or Seek by Dr. James Dobson

Parenting with Love and Logic by Dr. Foster Cline

Christian Child Rearing and Personality Development by Dr. Paul Meier

These 3 books have been very significant to me in raising my kids.  I hope they are helpful to you as well.

Parents can feel isolated and embarrassed about issues their kids are dealing with and never confide in another parent about their struggles.  Some parents also feel hesitant about going to a counselor to get some feedback concerning how their parenting is working.  So reading a couple of books is so helpful for gaining the depth of wisdom that comes from professionals who counsel hundreds of parents. 

I’ve found in my own life there can be a fog of understanding when I’m trying to evaluate my life.  I was sitting in a counselors office a couple of years ago talking about some struggles I was having and after about an hour this psychologist said to me, “You know what your problem is?!”  I said, “No, that’s why I’m here!”  He said, “You sound very …!”  I said, “That’s it!”  In one short hour this guy was able to put his finger on the heart of the issue and help summarize my difficulty.  That was really helpful because I could see what I needed to do next to correct the issue.  The fog dissipated and the next steps were clear.

I recommend books because they can be just as helpful as counseling and the cost is a whole lot lower.  You also get advice from people who have seen child rearing patterns and strategies that have consistently worked.  Advice about breaking your own negative parenting patterns are a part of these books as well.

Take action, don’t get discouraged and quit trying or sit in apathetic silence, get a couple of books and try a few new ideas.  Hopefully they’ll pay off in big relationship rewards with your kids.

God bless,

Pastor Ed 

  

Hindsight

Yesterday kicked off Family Month with Dr. Gil Steiglitz challenging us to develop “honor” and “respect” in our relationships, especially in marriage.  If you weren’t here I want to encourage you to go to the GateWay Visalia web site and under resources you can bring up his sermon and listen to it or next Sunday go to the 411 table and get a cd copy of the message for $3.00.

Remember that I Peter 3:7 says that we are to honor wives and women (moms, daughters, etc.) in our lives by granting it to them.  So this week you’re to “add value” to these ladies.

Remember that Ephesians 5:33 says that we are to respect husbands and men (dads, sons, etc.) in our lives by granting it to them. So this week you’re to “acknowledge value” to these men.

The primary purpose of these passages is the husband and wife relationship, but these principles need to be used in other relationships so that we respectfully build others around us. So take advantage of the Bible's role in your life and encourage!

Hindsight

Yesterday I wished I’d had time to develop the difference between real guilt and false guilt or what some psychologists call objective vs. subjective guilt.

Real guilt is when we can name a law, social standard or Biblical teaching that we have specifically violated.

False guilt or subjective guilt: is an uncomfortable feeling or regret, remorse, shame or condemnation that we experience when we have done something that we can’t put our finger on. 

False guilt is this free floating anxiety that can be caused by:  Unrealistic personal expectations, a sense of inferiority, or social pressure.

One of the largest causes of false guilt is poor conscience development as a child.  Dr. Gary Collins in his book Christian Counseling writes, “When the home is warm, predictable and secure, and when there is more emphasis on approval and giving encouragement than on punishment and criticism- then the child knows what it means to experience forgiveness.  But when there are poor parental models, and /or moral training which is punitive, critical, fear-ridden or highly demanding, then the child becomes angry, rigid, critical and burdened by a continuing sense of guilt.”

He finishes his article with this statement, “Remember that two good ways to learn about forgiveness are to practice it and to experience it.”

The first step is always, “Do what you can do!”  Practice forgiving and you’ll get better at accepting forgiveness which will help you eliminate guilt.

Personal counseling for guilt can be extremely helpful if you experience constant guilt from poor moral training with your parents.

Trinity Ministries Inc. here in Visalia has some really helpful counselors that can assist you in conquering the guilt dilemma. 

God bless,

Pastor Ed

Hindsight

I have a friend who is also a Pastor.  He was standing in a line at Starbucks behind a young lady who enjoyed talking, and she chose to talk to him. At one point in the conversation he asked her if she had ever tried church.  
She came a little unhinged and got a little angry and began to recite to him how badly she’d been hurt by the few churches she’d attended and she would have nothing to do with hypocrites like that. 

“You seem very upset,” he said, “and you still seem angry with those people, maybe even a little bitter.”

“I am!” she said.

He, in a very soft kind voice said, “How’s that anger-bitterness thing working for you in the rest of life?”

Her lip quivered and her eyes filled and she said, “Not very well.” 

They sat for an hour at Starbucks and had a long conversation over their coffee!

When you connect with Christ you encounter an inheritance of grace that changes the color of everything! Even at Starbucks.

Hindsight

Genesis 3 is the historical recording of Adam and Eve’s original sin.  From their distrust of God’s word and God’s character to their trust in the serpent’s word and character, sin entered the entire human race!  This story explains the original fall of humanity through which we all inherited the sin and guilt of Adam and Eve!  We all inherit a sin nature and the naturally inherited consequences for sin. 

The strategy of the serpent worked so well in this original scene that he has continued to pursue men and women in exactly the same way-by tempting them to distrust God’s word and God’s character. 

Is this a story of how I can sin and lose my relationship with God and my salvation today?  No. 

While the serpent’s strategy is the same, and my weakness is the same, Jesus’ payment for my sin is sufficient and my relationship with God is secure through Christ. 

Let me ask you, what do you think God’s ultimate plan is? I believe it is to bring as many people as possible into a saving knowledge of His Son’s payment on the cross for our sin? 

The Bible is not primarily a book about how to make bad people good, even though it can do that!  It’s primarily a book about how to make spiritually dead people alive!

Hindsight

Pastor Bill Yoshimoto leads our GateWay staff every morning in prayer.  He pulls out his World prayer book which lists every country of the world, lists what their needs are, lists what the major religions are and what percentage of Christians are there.  We pray for GateWay and then we pray for that country.

In Ephesians 6:18 Paul writes, “With all prayer and petition pray at all times in the Spirit, and with this in view,  be on the alert with all perseverance and petition for all the saints…”

Paul uses the word “all” four different times.  He says that we are to:

#1.  Pray when we’re thinking about the armor of God!  Each piece of armor is a gift from God but it also has a corresponding act of obedience.  So pray that you’ll be obedient to the armor with which God has gifted you.

#2  Pray at all times!  Whatever you face in terms of struggle, temptation or blessing, you are to pray.  You can pray with a request or you can pray with thanksgiving.

#3.  Pray with perseverance!  The last thing we start and the first thing we give up is prayer.  Paul commands us to persevere in prayer.

#4.  Pray for all saints!  This simply means prayer for all the followers of Jesus             Christ. 

Stop right now and pray for the four “alls” that Paul lists.

God bless,

Pastor Ed

Hindsight

The Olympics have been great!  I’ve enjoyed watching swimming, track, tennis, volleyball, and diving.  I think it’s a wonderful tradition to get all the countries of the world together and compete against each other in a spirit of friendship.  The teams are still distinct because each country represented dresses it’s athletes in uniforms that distinctly point out who is on what team. 

That’s what the passage in Ephesians 5:1-14 is all about, behaving in a way in which you proudly represent God’s team.  That’s always Paul’s highest principle. 

Sometimes we read passages like this and as we read we think, “I can’t be a Christian because there have been times when I’ve failed to do what Paul says to do, I’ve sinned, and therefore I’m an idolater (5:5) and am not a Christian anymore!” 

What Paul is actually saying is, “The people of Ephesus who worship at the Temple of Artemis (Diana) are idolater’s because they worship a false goddess, don’t be influenced to behave like them, they’re on the wrong team.”

The influence of the Roman Empire and the Temple of Artemis (Diana) was constantly and blatantly in the face of these early Christians. 

Look at these contrasts:

            Rome said, “Mercy is weakness!”            Paul said, “Mercy is a virtue!”

            Rome said, “Conquer and take!”            Paul said, “Give to one another!”

            Rome said, “Sex is worship of gods!”            Paul said, “Sex is for marriage!”

            Rome said, “Enslave the world!”            Paul said, “All are free in Christ!”

Paul wants all followers of Christ to understand that they are saved by grace (Ephesians 2:8-9.)  The pagan Roman Empire was all about power and indulgence.  The Christian church according to Paul was all about grace and love. 

Once you’re on God’s team, you’re on God’s team because Christ paid your enrollment fee! 

Now that you’re on the team there are 3 rules:

             #1.  Mimic the coach (5:1,)

            #2.  Develop character like the coach (5:8-9,)

            #3.  Influence others to leave their Roman coach and join the new team                                     and coach (5:13-14.)